DISCLAIMER: To all those who will be directly or indirectly affected by the words I'm going to blurt out in the succeeding paragraphs, I'm already apologizing in advance, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry., But I have to do this to move on.
Last Friday, I was deciding on going to an event, I was thinking heavily, Although I am already sensing that I may not go., still, I am optimistic to go to an event like Egames Dom1nation.
And then, There came the Big day, but Yeah, the worst happened.
I WAS NOT ABLE TO GO TO AN EVENT, And even if it's a minor event,. I have to go to that event because I am the Event and Field Operative., But my title went into a waste, A useless pile of words they put it on me.
What happened last Saturday is what i call a sense of STUPIDITY and USELESSNESS to myself. I became Useless. I stayed at my house, living with my absurd neigbors, I want to go to the hell of the absurdity. I want to become free. I want to go out. But my parents never let me go.
But the thing is, Nobody supported me, I was not supported by my whoever I may call them. I dunno what Am I going to say, but I have the feeling that I was not supported because I am thinking that They have the nerve to go to an Major event and then they wont go to an minor event! HOW CRUEL!!
And the other thing I hate. This life for me is not just, I have been challenged by my own alter ego to change the tides. To change the position of what my mission is.
Thanks to them, I only have 3/4ths of my life now. I have struck 2 and 1/4ths of not going to an event, Even if it's a MINOR EVENT, I HAVE A PERSONAL OBLIGATION TO GO,. IT'S A PERSONAL CRUSADE AND A MISSION.I MUST GO TO ANY ANIME OR GAMING EVENT, WHETHER MAJOR OR MINOR (Circumstances Apply)
So what If anybody gets angry at me? So what If I wont go to their damage control? SO WHAT if I sense another absurdity next time I saw them? SO WHAT??
I cried, I never slept, Even a helping of Gundam SEED Destiny on ABS never solved me. Even thinking positively made matters worse, The things I thought was...IM HOPELESS, IM USELESS, IM JUST SO........WASTED
I know what Am i saying right now, And I really know., I know a few persons who since the time I write this, I felt comfortable, BUT THE FEELING OF BEING USELESS, BEING HOPELESS and BEING ANGRY..
Now, Im more pushed to go to the ends of an event, EVEN IF IT'S A MAJOR OR MINOR, I WILL HAVE THE COURAGE TO SCOUR AND TO GO TO ALL OF THOSE EVENTS. BY HOOK OR BY CROOK..
And if they show themselves in a major event, It's now or never, Im hating them for good. But I won't leave my job behind and my loyalty.
Because for one, I still am grateful to three persons who gave me the chance to become what I am
Now that the damage has been done, The event is over, All has been said, I am so hating on what will be the after-event observations, OBSERVATIONS that I SHOULD HAVE SAID, I SHOULD WITNESSED and EXPERIENCED, AND SHOULD I HAVE BLOGGED TO YOU IN KW AfterCon, And yes, As I hear the aftermath of the event, The salt has been added to the wound. And not only a pinch, but a WHOLE TON OF SALT HAS BEEN ADDED TO MY OWN WOUND,
Im affected because I never went. Im affected because MY PARENTS were the reason why I never went, Im Affected because Financial Matters failed me, Im affected because Im a FAILURE TO MY TITLE, AND TO MYSELF both as a Person, As an Otaku, As an Convention Chaser and As A Forum Member.
Im crying, Im losing my self composure. Im angry, I all have my inner hate and anger feelings inside me, Im not feeling well, Im not OK, and Im not ready to accept damage control. And Im ready to die.. Lest the 3/4ths of my life is in my hands. It's me against the knife.
And Im not kidding to myself.
-HeAdIn'-OuT!-
Last Friday, I was deciding on going to an event, I was thinking heavily, Although I am already sensing that I may not go., still, I am optimistic to go to an event like Egames Dom1nation.
And then, There came the Big day, but Yeah, the worst happened.
I WAS NOT ABLE TO GO TO AN EVENT, And even if it's a minor event,. I have to go to that event because I am the Event and Field Operative., But my title went into a waste, A useless pile of words they put it on me.
What happened last Saturday is what i call a sense of STUPIDITY and USELESSNESS to myself. I became Useless. I stayed at my house, living with my absurd neigbors, I want to go to the hell of the absurdity. I want to become free. I want to go out. But my parents never let me go.
But the thing is, Nobody supported me, I was not supported by my whoever I may call them. I dunno what Am I going to say, but I have the feeling that I was not supported because I am thinking that They have the nerve to go to an Major event and then they wont go to an minor event! HOW CRUEL!!
And the other thing I hate. This life for me is not just, I have been challenged by my own alter ego to change the tides. To change the position of what my mission is.
Thanks to them, I only have 3/4ths of my life now. I have struck 2 and 1/4ths of not going to an event, Even if it's a MINOR EVENT, I HAVE A PERSONAL OBLIGATION TO GO,. IT'S A PERSONAL CRUSADE AND A MISSION.I MUST GO TO ANY ANIME OR GAMING EVENT, WHETHER MAJOR OR MINOR (Circumstances Apply)
So what If anybody gets angry at me? So what If I wont go to their damage control? SO WHAT if I sense another absurdity next time I saw them? SO WHAT??
I cried, I never slept, Even a helping of Gundam SEED Destiny on ABS never solved me. Even thinking positively made matters worse, The things I thought was...IM HOPELESS, IM USELESS, IM JUST SO........WASTED
I know what Am i saying right now, And I really know., I know a few persons who since the time I write this, I felt comfortable, BUT THE FEELING OF BEING USELESS, BEING HOPELESS and BEING ANGRY..
Now, Im more pushed to go to the ends of an event, EVEN IF IT'S A MAJOR OR MINOR, I WILL HAVE THE COURAGE TO SCOUR AND TO GO TO ALL OF THOSE EVENTS. BY HOOK OR BY CROOK..
And if they show themselves in a major event, It's now or never, Im hating them for good. But I won't leave my job behind and my loyalty.
Because for one, I still am grateful to three persons who gave me the chance to become what I am
Now that the damage has been done, The event is over, All has been said, I am so hating on what will be the after-event observations, OBSERVATIONS that I SHOULD HAVE SAID, I SHOULD WITNESSED and EXPERIENCED, AND SHOULD I HAVE BLOGGED TO YOU IN KW AfterCon, And yes, As I hear the aftermath of the event, The salt has been added to the wound. And not only a pinch, but a WHOLE TON OF SALT HAS BEEN ADDED TO MY OWN WOUND,
Im affected because I never went. Im affected because MY PARENTS were the reason why I never went, Im Affected because Financial Matters failed me, Im affected because Im a FAILURE TO MY TITLE, AND TO MYSELF both as a Person, As an Otaku, As an Convention Chaser and As A Forum Member.
Im crying, Im losing my self composure. Im angry, I all have my inner hate and anger feelings inside me, Im not feeling well, Im not OK, and Im not ready to accept damage control. And Im ready to die.. Lest the 3/4ths of my life is in my hands. It's me against the knife.
And Im not kidding to myself.
-HeAdIn'-OuT!-
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